On princesses and other demons

I was never the girly type. I grew up with my cousins, all boys. My mom never paid too much attention to girly things, she was too busy working to support our family, so the only times when I saw her wearing make-up (at some family weddings) I thought she looked really fake in a "who are you and what have you done to my mom" kind of way. Most of the women in my extended family (my mom has 7 sisters) are widowers (my mom included), so they had to be the strong ones, the head of the family, the man and the woman at the same time. No time for make-up and nail polish.

Plus I was the chubby kid growing up. And when that happens, it's easier to hide in extra-large hockey shirts and baggy pants (remember the Backstreet Boys?) then trying to fit into tank tops (remember Britney Spears?) and miniskirts. Thank God! that saved me a lot of trouble in my teens and protected me in ways that I haven't even begun to fully understand (even though at that time it seemed downright tragic). 

However, I am still struggling to come to terms with the feminine side of exterior life. Like make-up for work, choosing and (ugh!) buying clothes (I definitely hate shopping for clothes), mixing and matching shoes and purses and jewelry (I think it would be easier for me to learn quantic physics). I've been on maternity leave for some years now, which means I could easily have worn pyjamas for breakfast, lunch and dinner (I chose not to, though – most of the times :) ) So now things just got a bit tough and I was somewhat forced to girlyness/womanhood: are there more types of mascara? That many?? I'm not sure if I want my eyelashes longer or thicker… Nude shoes go with everything, but brown shoes don’t match anything? 

And that's just scratching the surface…

But things get tricky when you have two girls. How can you even begin to be a model for them if you are lost yourself? (This is true in general, in every aspect of live, but I will limit the scope to all things girly for now). 

My eldest is three and recently started the Princess stage (isn't it too early, though? Since she doesn't watch TV and only likes Masha and Medved, but I guess we have some princess books around the house – I suspect that's where she got all her pink and sparkling ideas :) )

Now my dilemma is: for sure, I wish they could be comfortable and embrace being a girl and (later) a woman (not try to hide from it, like I have always done), but at the same time I hope they won't get into the "laughing plastic" stage either. I would like them to understand that being a princess/a girl/woman is more than wearing a dress and a necklace. 

I get a headache when I hear her with "Mom, but I can't wear blue slippers! I'm a girl!". The first impulse is to yell at her "being a girl does not only mean wearing prink slippers!". But I realize that she's a three year old and the problem is actually facing myself. Facing the person who is always awkward and rough round the edges, especially at more "polished" events or meetings. The person who lacks delicacy in gestures or posture (rather than in feelings). The person who is never lady-like, the person who does not possess that quelque-chose that makes girls and women feminine.

So, what do I do now, with two girls on my hands?